Feliz ano nuevo! It is I, Alonzo! Meraki Movement’s favourite (and only) Official Spokespaca! We all hope you had a wonderful, New Years' celebration!
We sure did! Then we spent the next week thinking about our trip to Ecuador! I get to go home and see my Apaca-family! I cannot find the words to describe how excited I am to see the Andes again.
You might wonder what the difference is between the Rocky Mountains here in Alberta, and the Andes down there in Ecuador but wonder no more! I shall tell you! The Rocky Mountains have moose and -40C weather. The Andes have Alpacas and +26C weather at the moment because IT’S SUMMER DOWN THERE! Bite me snow! In your face with a snowball, mother nature!
What a perfect time to peruse the textile markets, chat with the artisans, and snuggle some freshly shaved Alpacas!
When we get back, we will be bringing some much-requested items (rhymes with kittens haha!) and a long and colourful list of all the beautiful Alpaca things your Alpaca- heart desires!
Reviews and Product Requests!
We made notes! Yes, we did! Every time you asked us for a particular item, we filed that bit of information away and we hope to satisfy your desires! *insert sexy alpaca eyes here*
What we need from you, our beloved and devoted customer, are reviews and requests! Can you take a moment of your time and send us one or the other or both? We know we do a great job, but we need that in writing! I suggested just making it up on my own, but my very honest employees said no. I am not a very good liar! Whatevs.
I tried learning how to meditate. The market season followed by Christmas had me so frazzled my wool started coming out in combfuls. My hairdresser was beside herself. She prescribed me meditation and a new conditioner. But mostly meditation.
I googled “How to Meditate” and this is what I found:
- Take a seat. (They suggested outside, but it’s minus hell froze over so I plopped myself on the couch, and wrapped myself in the Rio Grande Night blanket)
- Set a timer. (Infinity and beyond!)
- Notice your body. (whaaaaaat? Where are we going with this? Although I do feel niiiiiiice.)
- Notice your breath. (Smells like grass. I need mints.)
- Notice when your mind has wandered. (Was it supposed to be focused on something? Cause the only thing my mind does is wander. Like that one time, when I was texting and walking in the mall, thinking about frozen yogurt and why the Body Shop doesn’t have Alpaca Shampoo and I walked into a sign. Knocked me out cold!)
- Be kind to your wandering mind. (What? Like, give it snacks? I kind of want snacks now.)
- Close with Kindness. (Noted. Getting myself snacks.)
Clearly, this particular meditation needed modifying. I called my hairdresser (closest confidant. She knows everything! If I die, she has to go with me. There shall be no witnesses!) She told me to meet her after work and we could go to a meditation circle together. I like circles.
I wrapped myself in layers of Alpaca Ponchos and finished off with the Rio Grande Night Blanket. I knew I would be the most stylish and warmest Alpaca in the meditation room, even if I couldn’t find my inner peace!
It wasn’t long until we were seated in a circle on a soft rug. Initially, the other meditators put up a fuss about an Alpaca joining their circle but my dear friend eased their fears with joyous tales of goat yoga. I don’t know if my feelings should be hurt or not.
Clearly, I am not a goat.
Everyone settled onto the floor, legs crossed (Alpacas can’t cross their legs, mine stuck straight out. I thought about spitting at the woman across from me who glared at my pose, but I refrained.)
Our meditation leader opened the meditation in a sing-song voice that reminded me of mi Madre and I was instantly captivated, “Hello everyone, and welcome. Close your eyes and listen to my voice while I lead you on a guided meditation. Imagine you are standing on the bank of the Rio Grande at dusk. You can hear the river flow by,”
I looked into the water (in my mind) and realized how deep it was.
“and the bat wings whistling by.”
Bats? How are bats relaxing?
“The breeze caresses your skin as the last of the light fades away.”
So now we’re in the desert, in the dark, with bats?
“Coyotes sing in the distance.”
Coyotes eat Alpacas. How is this relaxing?
“You feel the peace of the dark, the running river, the bats, the coyotes, and the gentle breeze.”
I did not feel at peace! The coyotes were getting closer. There were more fluttering bats, and the river sounded like it was RAGING not rolling on by, the wind was picking up and did I mention the coyotes were getting closer? And it was dark!
The wind whipped sand in my face and big beautiful Alpaca eyes, blinding me. I could almost make out the shapes of the hunting coyotes, as I ducked and dodged the dive-bombing bats!
I felt a nip at my heels! I stumbled closer to the dark raging river, the Rio Grande. I couldn’t dodge the bats any longer, they entangled themselves in my curly Alpaca hair, squeaking and biting! The coyotes jumped at me and I flung myself into the dark river! “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”
“Alonzo! Wake up!” My friend shook me awake. I was on my back, my legs kicking in the air, “Oh no! Gurgle! Gibberish! Bats! More gibberish! Coyotes!” I sat up, whipping my alpaca drool from my face. All the other posh meditators were staring at me.
Well, I should rethink this meditation thing. I really hope that conditioner helps my wool.